Well, it’s scan time again. Inevitably scans bring so many emotions to the surface. (A little emotional waterboarding if you will). Even though I grew up going to church, I still feel like I’m pretty “new” when it comes to my faith and truly relying on God’s promises. I still struggle with fear and uncertainty at times. Am I the only person that cries in the shower occasionally? Too much information? Well, it is what it is. Even as I’m trying to walk closely with God and put my worries on him, there are times when fear just takes over every ounce of my body. I will say, it has been a little better lately. I found myself thinking so much about what heaven would be like….and my biggest worry was not being able to see my friends and family again. I was researching the issue and from what I can tell the answer is yes. The Bible says we will know each other even better than we do now. Whew. It’s not something a normal healthy person would think about…..but the idea of never seeing Mark again was just about the worst thing I could imagine. Anyway, since I’ve put that fear to rest I’m happy to report there has been much less crying in the shower as of late.
There’s something else I wanted to address. This might not be a popular opinion or the “right” answer but I just wanted to put it out there (if I haven’t before) that I genuinely respect all religions (that don’t cause harm to others…I don’t have anything in particular in mind, just covering my bases here!) My point is that I never want anyone to read my blog and feel like they can’t relate because they don’t share the exact same religion. To me, God is love….and I think one of the best things we can do is love and respect one another. That being said, I also like to speak candidly about my faith and the process I’ve been going through trying to figure out what all of it means. On that note, I read something yesterday that really spoke to me.
I’ve been referring to cancer as “The big C” off and on since my diagnosis. My devotional yesterday morning pointed out that cancer is NOT the big C…..Christ is. I like that! Today I pray that Christ (the big C) will triumph over cancer (the little c). Unless it’s at the beginning of a sentence, cancer will never be the big C again. Bloop! (That was a NeNe Leaks bloop for my fellow bravo fans).
Anyway, I’ve been having regular zoom calls with a friend and two of his long time friends (who happen to be pastors themselves.) I feel like I learn something from them every time we talk. I was having a tough time last week and one of them told me that scripture says that God is not going to take us from this earth until we complete all of the tasks God has planned for us. (The analytical part of me of course wanted to jump in and ask….but what if…..then why does this happen…..but, but, but…..). I had to stop myself. One of the benefits of faith is that we can believe God’s promises to us and we don’t have to understand why or how. I choose to believe that my work here isn’t done, and it helps me carry forward during difficult times. I received a book in 2018 and just picked it up this week. It’s been a HUGE help. It’s a 90 day devotional that really helps with fear……and as I mentioned earlier, fear is something I really struggle with.
Another topic we discussed on the Zoom call is that everyone on the call shared the same hope and belief that part of God’s plan for me is to BE the unicorn🦄. Specifically, that I can be the person who beats the odds so I can share my story with others and give them hope. Luke 22:32 says “but I have prayed [especially] for you [Peter], that your faith [and confidence in Me] may not fail; and you, once you have turned back again [to Me], strengthen and support your brothers [in the faith].”
When I read that verse I thought to myself…..not a problem God! Then came the begging/bargaining part of my prayer “Lord please let me live. I promise I’ll do my best to strengthen my brothers.” (I know I don’t always say the right thing and I’m pretty sure begging and bargaining is not the correct term…but I’m just being real here). What’s interesting is that RIGHT after I promised God that I would “strengthen my brothers” I received this message from a girl from India…..
I receive messages like this from time to time and it’s always so humbling and encouraging. I don’t have a bazillion followers and I’m not an influencer…..but if I can help a few people, then a few more, then a few more….those numbers can add up🧡
I don’t think I’ve blogged since my last chemo which was literally 10 hours of infusion time. I asked the nurse if I could take my pole downstairs to the cafeteria ans the answer was a resounding “no”….I can’t imagine why 😉
Anyway, normally my 3 infusions are broken into 2 days but scheduling was an issue so I had to do everything in one day. That day (like most chemo days) was tough and I get a little nauseous just thinking about it……but we made it….and now we press on. One foot in front of the other.
Sometimes I worry that I’m not giving people an accurate view of cancer. In the video I’m smiling and said I felt good….and I did in that moment. But believe me, I did NOT feel good at the end of those 10 hours. So don’t worry, I’m certainly not breezing through this 😉
Moving on (if you’re still reading) I have a HUGE favor. I have scans on May 4th. There’s nothing I can do right now except pray and have faith. But there IS something you can do🙂Could you pray for me? Please pray not only for good scans, but ultimately that I can have the opportunity to have a long life here on earth. Here with my sweet husband….my family…..and my friends. Please ask God for a cure for me….and for so many other women who carry this diagnosis on their heart. In 2018 my friend Sarah sent me a scratch map of the world. (I was confused at first until she explained that it was a prayer map, not a travel map). We asked our friends and family (and complete strangers) to pray for me and to let us know what city, state, and country they were praying from. We scratched off that place and put a pin in the exact place where the person was praying from. Not only was this an excellent geography lesson, but it was really uplifting for me. As I quietly sat in front of the map, finding locations and putting pins all over the map….I felt so much love in my heart. I feel lucky to know what it’s like to truly experience that kind of love. To that end, we felt like with the latest scans being less than ideal, it was time for a brand new prayer map! I have one map of the world, and one of the US….and our goal is to FILL it with prayers. So, if you’re willing to say a prayer for me, comment where you are praying from below (city, state, and country!) If you want to go a step further, share the video on your social media and ask your friends and family for prayers too. I would love to include them on the map…..so let me know if you get a response from your friends and family and where they are praying from❤️ (I realize you aren’t supposed to end a sentence with a preposition but my blog isn’t a research paper don’t have time to reformulate) 😉
Anyway, I like a project and I’m serious about this one…..because I want to live SO badly. It’s hard to even put it into words.
So, how are we going to fill up the prayer map? You can comment directly on this blog post…..or you can pick your poison of social media outlets. I’ll have the map video posted on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok. (Maybe not right away but give me a few minutes). Okay my amazing prayer warriors…..ready, set, go!
Here’s where you can find the map video on Social Media:
Instagram: my username is HollyHollisStars (it’s public, so follow me if you haven’t since I update that the most)💛
TikTok: my username is HollyHStars and here is the link!
Facebook: You can find me under Holly Hollis Stars. I get quite a few friend requests and I don’t always see them for some reason. Same with Facebook messages. I get WAY behind on those. But, I’ll make the map post public so anyone can see it and share💜
ONE more thing to share which is super fun! My dear friend Linda sent me this video last night and I was SHRIEKING with delight (Mark was on the other side of the bed and was worried for a minute haha). Anyway, Linda has been one of those friends that has been so kind to be from the moment I met her (I love that Mark and I were able to develop a friendship with her and her husband before I was diagnosed). Sometimes it’s nice to be around people that knew me before my life revolved around cancer. Anyway, Linda is a breast cancer survivor herself and since my diagnosis she has gone out of her way to do things for me just to brighten my day. She and Steve (her husband) are loyal friends and I’m so thankful for them. I wrote this on my Instagram post, but another reason this video is special to me is realizing that a person you love and watch on TV is every bit as wonderful and down to earth in real life. I could go on and on……you guys know my love for all things Bravo. What a good day 😊
As always, thank you for reading and staying with me on this journey. I really appreciate it💜
⭐️Holly Hollis Stars⭐️