Hi friends! With my scans coming up soon I wanted to check in and update you on the latest.
Right now I’m at the end of my 6th cycle of my chemotherapy regimen. (I typically have 2 or 3 days of chemo infusions per cycle depending on my white blood cell count). The last cycle I was only able to have two infusions because my neutrophil counts were 0.3 (a healthy normal person would be around 10.0-14.0).
Several people commented on how I seemed sad in the video above when I posted it. I do get sad….but most likely I was just exhausted in that video. Chemo fatigue plus- they keep scheduling my appointments SO early in the morning. I’ve called and written emails and tried to get later appointments but apparently when I don’t see a doctor I’m not allowed to have any appointments between 9am and 2pm (and my treatments are so long that 2pm is too late). Their reasoning is if someone has a doctors appointment they want them to be able to schedule treatment near the doctors appointment. I get it, but my facility at home always let me have a later appointment which was so much better on me. I know it’s a small thing, but it’s really been frustrating. Prayers for patience on that front. It just seems like chemo is hard enough, do I also need to get up at the crack of dawn (in the cold) as well? Okay okay. Soap box over. Lord help me not act like a spoiled brat in this regard, amen. 😇
SO- I have scans coming up this Tuesday!! If you’re reading this, I would SO appreciate prayers that God and this medicine will continue to heal me. I have chemotherapy on Wednesday but I don’t know if that will be “maintenance” chemo (Opdivo and Romidespin) or my original regimen (Opdivo, Romidespin, Cisplatin). It will depend on the scans.
I was able to have my weekly prayer zoom call a couple of days ago which helped me get in the right frame of mind for my scans (and just in general). I was explaining on the call that I had planned on turning the screen around for my upcoming bone scan because it terrifies me. (You can SEE the screen from the tube…ugh!) It’s enough to make you crazy. Full disclosure, during my last bone scan I kept it together during the scan…..but completely lost my mind at the end and was sobbing by the time I came out because I kept seeing black spots on the bone scan around my neck. The poor tech didn’t even know where to begin with me. I share that detail because I hope to be calmer for these scans….or at least make someone else feel better if they also sob during scans. Anyway, on the zoom prayer call my new friend (Pastor Joey) suggested that I focus on where I am spiritually leading up to the scans. He gave me the idea of writing down a list of the things that God has in store for my future while I’m waiting this time (there is a lot of waiting on scan day). One thing we talked about was how I wanted to share my testimony of healing with others in the future (whether that’s at a church, a cancer event…you never know). I spoke at the 2019 American Cancer Society Fundraiser in Baton Rouge (The Best Dressed Ball) and really enjoyed it (even though I was nervous beforehand). So, on Tuesday while I wait on my scans I’m going to picture myself going back to that event (when we are safely allowed to gather) standing on the stage and sharing my story. Turning tragedy into testimony 🙂 I’m also picturing the fabric that’s in my dresser right now transformed into a beautiful gown (hey, I’m human). Maybe my story could help someone in the audience. I want to focus on how amazing it will feel to share how GOD deserves the glory and how I’ve been so blessed along the way during this journey.
On the call we also talked about the 8th chapter of Romans. Specifically Romans 8:24: “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?” I have to remember that regardless of what these scans say, I’m going to focus on the healing that God has in store for me (what I can’t “see”). I believe that. I believe that my story isn’t over. I surround myself with people who believe in me, and believe I have more to do in the land of the living.
In other news, I’ve been able to get into a good rhythm balancing work with my treatments. For me, my job is so much more than a paycheck. The people I have worked with the last 13ish years have become like family to me. When I’m working I don’t think about scary cancer things. I worked hard to be an attorney and to have a job that I love…..and I’m not giving up on that. Today is the first day in my cycle I’ve been able to go without nausea meds. Mark and I went for a 3 mile run/walk this morning then I went for a leisurely bike ride this evening. I feel better when I exercise….and I’ve been struggling to find the motivation lately (until today I suppose). When I’m nauseous it’s tough. Especially since I’m not allowed at the gym right now. But that’s another thing I’m going to work on. Staying active when I physically can. I have to remind myself that comparison is the thief of joy (I’m sure someone famous came up with that). I can’t compare myself to healthy people not going through chemo….or even others going through chemo. I can’t compare where I am now to where I was when I wasn’t on treatment in 2019. It isn’t fair. I just have to take what I’m given and do the best I can. Others see what’s on the outside but God sees what’s in our hearts. Even so, I only have one body and need to take care of it (well, other that the routine chemo poisoning, naturally) 😉
Anyway, I’ll wrap things up. I mainly wanted to blog and ask for prayers. I really need them right now. As much as I pray and try to stay confident it’s tough not to be human and not to be scared. But, we’re going into this week hopeful of what God (and the chemo) has been up to since my last scans.
As always, thank you for the love and support. I appreciate it so much. I almost forgot….if you sent me something from my Amazon wish list and I haven’t sent you a thank you text or message….please hit me up! Some of the packages don’t have notes in them 🙂
Okay…scans week here I come!
⭐️Holly Hollis Stars ⭐️